This is a hard topic for me. How can I give anyone advice or reasons to forgive yourself when I can’t do it for myself? I don’t want to give out any tips that I don’t use, so, right now, I have to reflect a lot on how to forgive myself to give you reasons to forgive yourself.
If I reflect back to a time where I found it hard to forgive myself, I recall those moments where I just let go of blame. Once I let go of blaming myself, I find it easy to not need to forgive myself and, yet, it comes back to haunt me. This little thing keeps telling me to forgive myself.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault,” it says. But is it really not?
I just want to be truthful right now. If I think about forgiving myself, I have to think about why I blame myself in the first place. When I think about that, I realize that I was often told, while I grew up, that’s it’s my fault. If I do something wrong, anything, no matter the circumstance, it was my fault. There was no understanding that something may have occurred to make me do it the wrong way. No – I was told that there is something always wrong with me and that it’s my fault. After so many years of being told that, how can one learn to forgive themselves if they blame themselves?
So, I have to think: How can I forgive myself? What does that even mean? By thinking about those questions, I have a basis on how you can start to forgive yourself but I still do not have any reasons to…
- Reflect on the experience; what happened? What was your part in it? What did you do? How did you handle it? Why did it happen?
- Ask yourself questions and then ask why. Basically, you just want to understand the experience. This is sort of reflecting, but going more in depth so that you can understand why you reacted, acted, or etc. in however you represented yourself.
- Accept that you blame yourself. Once you do this, maybe, just maybe, you’ll start to see why you also need to forgive yourself. I am a very forgiving person, but I always tend to forgive others much more easily rather than forgiving myself. I hope that, once you accept the blame you put on yourself, hopefully you’re on the right track to also forgiving yourself.
- It’s not always your fault. I’d like to say: Keep that in mind. It’s important to know that you’re not always at fault.
I hope these tips on starting to forgive yourself will help you. I’ve learned that a lot of reflection, acceptance, and realization helps me in the long run for many things, so maybe after reflecting, accepting, and hitting realization, will help me to start forgiving myself for some things I still feel guilty about. I hope that other people will be able to relate or share their own tips.